a search helicopter?!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Lo siento on account of my penis...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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