two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
