Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
