What a fucking waste of an outfit
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
