This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
