Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Semen is not good for contacts.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
