Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
