i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
