Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
