i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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