I didn't shave. On purpose
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
