She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
