he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize