He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
