Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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