This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
