I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize