I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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