In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
