That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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