I want to have your abortion
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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