I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
it's great music for shaving your balls
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
