I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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