my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
