Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
