Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
