So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I want her autograph on my taint
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
