since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
