To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
