The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
