This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
