I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
