the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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