census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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