Umm I'm too high to move.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
