Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
