i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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