listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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