I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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