After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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