You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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