Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
