Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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