So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
