vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
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