I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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