dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
