I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
