Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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