Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
if only i could text you this smell
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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