i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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