I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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