I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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