Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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