Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
