Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize