So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
