apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
