Christians are straight up FREAKS
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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