We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
