I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
