well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
