I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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