Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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