Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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