Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
