I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
