Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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