I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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