just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
