Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize