Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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