this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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