OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
