i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
