when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
