You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
