With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
