Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
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