Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
