Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
